What not to say

I've mentioned before, I think, that I'm not that fond of my blog name. And as I was laying in bed last night, unable to fall asleep due to over-reading, leading to over-thinking...I came up with a great theme - what not to do or say! I find myself too often saying things that I should just keep to myself. Take last night, for example - a good what not to say right before bed - hey babe, we didn't talk about our finances over the weekend, should we talk now? I know, when will I learn? Is 10pm really the best time to get a juicy conversation going about credit cards and refinancing. Talk about the perfect way to kill any possible love vibes (to be honest, not sure if that was going to happen anyway, but I definitely stopped any further advances). 

I seem to have this knack for saying exactly what's on my mind, whether good or bad. And as my mind seems to come up with worst case scenarios quite easily, I'm often saying something out loud, while simultaneously telling myself to stop talking! We all say things that shouldn't be said - I seem to have become quite good at it. 

Who am I today?

My mornings are really hectic...as are most of ours, right? I work from home and although I have a pretty early start to my work day, I still have to get kids fed, lunches made, dressed, teeth brushed...and on and on. Add to that checking email, and getting some work done while kids are still home and it's no wonder I love coffee. What I realized today as I was taking my mid day shower (I tell my daughter, at least I'm taking one!) is that there are days when I don't look in the mirror until noon or so! That shocked me - not that I don't get a chance to look at myself earlier in the day - I'm not that vain, but that I actually don't have the time to, even if I wanted to. 

And here's the other part - often times overnight my facial features and body have changed. When I finally look in the mirror, one of three faces can be looking back at me. Face 1 is my wonderful 36 yr. old face - some lines, some tiredness, but overall pretty good - me likey. Face 2 - it's as if a little old lady crept into my bed overnight and switched faces. I mean, honestly - did I really have that many lines around my eyes yesterday, does my face look that worn out, and did my eyes disappear behind a cloak of extra skin? jeez. There's a little old lady out there feeling mighty fine. And Face 3 - the teenage years. I may look well rested, but honestly, do I still have to deal with zits...and how does it get that big overnight! The same goes for my body - there are days when I think, wow, I look pretty good...and other times when I long for the days of a faster metabolism and I wonder how a few slices of pizza and a couple of glasses of wine can really show up that fast! 

No matter, each day, when I finally look in the mirror I get to have a little surprise...now I just have to embrace the little old lady and the teenager more! I hope you're embracing your daily mirror time!

Scarred for life - I'll show ya!

For those of you who've read my post...you know I had some major back problems last year. What a year - now, with clarity  I see how much the back pain affected my life - I was anti-social, depressed and just in pain. Armando - hubbie - was so patient with me...I'm not sure I could have done the same for him! Luckily I had back surgery in September - and the cloud immediately lifted. I went in one morning and after 3 hours of major surgery, with general anesthetic, and a whopping 45 minutes for recovery, I walked (yes, I didn't even get a wheelchair) out of the hospital a new woman. Don't get me started on the crazy recovery. That's another story. All I remember is being so happy to be free of pain - there were times I thought I was just going to live with the pain for the rest of my life.

I was a happy girl, with my happy drugs, and my pain free body. I slept well and after my carry nothing over 5lb restriction (tell me Dr., do you know how much my daughter weighs, or a bag of groceries), I was able to go back to living my life. I guess I was a little too happy at the beginning as I seemed to have this unknown desire to show my scar to people - and random people too - hey principal Grey, wanna see? I'll blame it on the meds I was on - but I recall one instance when we were with my in-laws. I walked into my mother-in-laws house and everyone knew I'd just had surgery. I was beaming. And who do I think might want to see my scar - none other than my brother-in-law (married to Armando's sister). My sweet brother-in-law was suddenly accosted by a drug-popping mama as I lifted up the back of my shirt to show off the long scar on the small of my back! Poor guy - what can you say to that? wow - looks good, or, I can see the top of your underwear! I do have tendency to do and say before thinking things through.

Needless to say, said brother-in-law never asked about my back again - and rightly so! And...I haven't been showing my scar lately...but you know I probably will if you ask me! 

Overthinking life

I realized I stopped blogging for a number of reasons...all of which are due to my overthinking of everything, well most everything I do. For example, trying on jeans the other day...and I started overthinking the size of my ass - is it too big, is it the shape of the pockets, or is it the fact that the jeans are so tight I know if I bend down I'll have another rip incident.  I do have the ability to not think at all - like the hours I spent reading the twilight series and becoming mildly obsessed about robert pattinson for a day or to. Where am I going, you wonder?

Well - in the blogging instance - I overthought. The biggest one is the name of the site - I overthought it and don't like it. I was trying something catchy and because I don't like it, I actually stopped writing! Took me, what 8 months to remind myself that it doesn't matter. Oh, and I overthought - are people really reading this and what' the hell am I writing anyway. 

But, as I sit here, writing, I realize that I do like to write and if it can be funny sometimes, even better. I like to write for myself too - which is a huge realization - yeah for me! I also realized - thanks to my friend Danielle, that I can easily come up with a new name...so I'm writing again, and may think (not overthink) up a new name!

I've got some good stuff piled up over the last 8 months - so get ready.  

Packaged goods

There's nothing like a good box of mac and cheese (organic thank you very much) to really help a dinner on a night that's gotten the best of you. So simple and yet, so rewarding for the kids. They eat it, they want seconds, they're satisfied. The frustrating part is that they'll eat this with no comment, much like they'll eat some amazing meal I cooked up. Their cute little palettes are clueless to whether I cook from a box, or cook my ass off!

Luckily I get enjoyment out of cooking for them and eating a great meal that we enjoy around the table. But tonight - thank you for processed foods!

Shake your maraca

There's nothing better than watching someone just dance for the love of dancing! Saturday night found us at a friend's surprise birthday party at this great bar - Edgewater Tavern. I love finding a new bar that has the perfect mix of dive bar (with the old regulars who have a look like - don't think about taking my seat) and nice neighborhood bar where you could maybe take the kids for an early dinner of fried food. As we walked to the back room I could hear some cajun/blues music drifting in...and there they were right out back in this great little courtyard. A band of 10, the piano player was a 12 yr. old boy, and the trumpet player had to be reaching his 70s. Now, this trumpet player actually played 2 trumpets at the same time...pretty amazing! 

Anyway - the drinks were flowing and it was just a great vibe all around - really good friends who are easy to hang out with and there's nothing going on except enjoying the music and gorgeous Chicago summer night. 

Then, the dancing started...and our friends mother-in-law got up, grabbed a maraca and started dancing her heart out...the maraca was keeping time with the band, and she was just so happy. Now - here's the thing...she was obviously an older woman, a little on the heavy side, and pretty drunk. Her dancing wasn't that great, and the maraca didn't stay in time with the band for too long. But she didn't care, her daughters didn't care, her husband was looking on lovingly...and we were all standing around enjoying the music. 

So here's the thing - I found myself thinking of how I would handle this situation if my parents got up and started dancing like that. I may be a little too sensitive as my parents have definitely had a knack of embarrassing me. But it hit me that night - who really cares what anyone else is thinking!!! That woman was having an amazing time and everyone was loving it. I want to live like that - supporting my loved ones - no matter how they look or act. I think I do most of the time and it was just a great reminder of how to be!

Plus - I also know that I'll probably do a ton of things to embarrass my kids - I can only hope they support me in all that I do!

I'm Back

Hello, hello dear friends!

I can't believe I haven't written anything for almost a month. I've had many times I've wanted to write something and then just didn't...and I think it's because at the end of the day, when I have time to write, I just want to do nothing - it's my lazy bone...or rather my god damn (scuse the language!) back bone. This back is just taking so much energy that by the end of the day I really can't do anything except lay down and wait for the pain to go away...

And then...my amazingingly spiritually connected mom started asking her friends if there was anything I could do...lots of responses and I just didn't do any of them - I've been stuck in my going to the physical therapist, follow up with dr. routine. And, to be honest, I just didn't want to try anything else...

But then today my mom sent me an email from a friend, Debbie, that has given me some tangible things to do. My back issue is in the L4 and L5 discs. Well, the information that Debbie passed on is so amazingly spot on that I have to do something. Like, this piece about the L4:

Difficulty, attachment, or holding back on the ability to create action that is compatible with what has already been set into motion. Need to have a willingness to respond to conditions as they exist.

Yes, yes - that resonated with me so much. And then it went onto what action to take:

Make a list of conditions as they exist in your life today. Make another list of what you desire in your life. Every day for the next year, produce action toward what you desire and that which will give you fulfillment.

Basically - get my ass in gear and make it happen - I've already started the ball moving and if I don't keep up with what I've set in motion (which I have) then my body will react (which it did)!

Anyway - you can guess that I'm thrilled and this little message got my off my ass to start back up blogging. So I'm back and will continue sharing my journey with you.

Hopefully those who were reading this blog have hung in there - thank you!!!