Scarred for life - I'll show ya!

For those of you who've read my post...you know I had some major back problems last year. What a year - now, with clarity  I see how much the back pain affected my life - I was anti-social, depressed and just in pain. Armando - hubbie - was so patient with me...I'm not sure I could have done the same for him! Luckily I had back surgery in September - and the cloud immediately lifted. I went in one morning and after 3 hours of major surgery, with general anesthetic, and a whopping 45 minutes for recovery, I walked (yes, I didn't even get a wheelchair) out of the hospital a new woman. Don't get me started on the crazy recovery. That's another story. All I remember is being so happy to be free of pain - there were times I thought I was just going to live with the pain for the rest of my life.

I was a happy girl, with my happy drugs, and my pain free body. I slept well and after my carry nothing over 5lb restriction (tell me Dr., do you know how much my daughter weighs, or a bag of groceries), I was able to go back to living my life. I guess I was a little too happy at the beginning as I seemed to have this unknown desire to show my scar to people - and random people too - hey principal Grey, wanna see? I'll blame it on the meds I was on - but I recall one instance when we were with my in-laws. I walked into my mother-in-laws house and everyone knew I'd just had surgery. I was beaming. And who do I think might want to see my scar - none other than my brother-in-law (married to Armando's sister). My sweet brother-in-law was suddenly accosted by a drug-popping mama as I lifted up the back of my shirt to show off the long scar on the small of my back! Poor guy - what can you say to that? wow - looks good, or, I can see the top of your underwear! I do have tendency to do and say before thinking things through.

Needless to say, said brother-in-law never asked about my back again - and rightly so! And...I haven't been showing my scar lately...but you know I probably will if you ask me! 

Overthinking life

I realized I stopped blogging for a number of reasons...all of which are due to my overthinking of everything, well most everything I do. For example, trying on jeans the other day...and I started overthinking the size of my ass - is it too big, is it the shape of the pockets, or is it the fact that the jeans are so tight I know if I bend down I'll have another rip incident.  I do have the ability to not think at all - like the hours I spent reading the twilight series and becoming mildly obsessed about robert pattinson for a day or to. Where am I going, you wonder?

Well - in the blogging instance - I overthought. The biggest one is the name of the site - I overthought it and don't like it. I was trying something catchy and because I don't like it, I actually stopped writing! Took me, what 8 months to remind myself that it doesn't matter. Oh, and I overthought - are people really reading this and what' the hell am I writing anyway. 

But, as I sit here, writing, I realize that I do like to write and if it can be funny sometimes, even better. I like to write for myself too - which is a huge realization - yeah for me! I also realized - thanks to my friend Danielle, that I can easily come up with a new name...so I'm writing again, and may think (not overthink) up a new name!

I've got some good stuff piled up over the last 8 months - so get ready.  

Packaged goods

There's nothing like a good box of mac and cheese (organic thank you very much) to really help a dinner on a night that's gotten the best of you. So simple and yet, so rewarding for the kids. They eat it, they want seconds, they're satisfied. The frustrating part is that they'll eat this with no comment, much like they'll eat some amazing meal I cooked up. Their cute little palettes are clueless to whether I cook from a box, or cook my ass off!

Luckily I get enjoyment out of cooking for them and eating a great meal that we enjoy around the table. But tonight - thank you for processed foods!

Shake your maraca

There's nothing better than watching someone just dance for the love of dancing! Saturday night found us at a friend's surprise birthday party at this great bar - Edgewater Tavern. I love finding a new bar that has the perfect mix of dive bar (with the old regulars who have a look like - don't think about taking my seat) and nice neighborhood bar where you could maybe take the kids for an early dinner of fried food. As we walked to the back room I could hear some cajun/blues music drifting in...and there they were right out back in this great little courtyard. A band of 10, the piano player was a 12 yr. old boy, and the trumpet player had to be reaching his 70s. Now, this trumpet player actually played 2 trumpets at the same time...pretty amazing! 

Anyway - the drinks were flowing and it was just a great vibe all around - really good friends who are easy to hang out with and there's nothing going on except enjoying the music and gorgeous Chicago summer night. 

Then, the dancing started...and our friends mother-in-law got up, grabbed a maraca and started dancing her heart out...the maraca was keeping time with the band, and she was just so happy. Now - here's the thing...she was obviously an older woman, a little on the heavy side, and pretty drunk. Her dancing wasn't that great, and the maraca didn't stay in time with the band for too long. But she didn't care, her daughters didn't care, her husband was looking on lovingly...and we were all standing around enjoying the music. 

So here's the thing - I found myself thinking of how I would handle this situation if my parents got up and started dancing like that. I may be a little too sensitive as my parents have definitely had a knack of embarrassing me. But it hit me that night - who really cares what anyone else is thinking!!! That woman was having an amazing time and everyone was loving it. I want to live like that - supporting my loved ones - no matter how they look or act. I think I do most of the time and it was just a great reminder of how to be!

Plus - I also know that I'll probably do a ton of things to embarrass my kids - I can only hope they support me in all that I do!

I'm Back

Hello, hello dear friends!

I can't believe I haven't written anything for almost a month. I've had many times I've wanted to write something and then just didn't...and I think it's because at the end of the day, when I have time to write, I just want to do nothing - it's my lazy bone...or rather my god damn (scuse the language!) back bone. This back is just taking so much energy that by the end of the day I really can't do anything except lay down and wait for the pain to go away...

And then...my amazingingly spiritually connected mom started asking her friends if there was anything I could do...lots of responses and I just didn't do any of them - I've been stuck in my going to the physical therapist, follow up with dr. routine. And, to be honest, I just didn't want to try anything else...

But then today my mom sent me an email from a friend, Debbie, that has given me some tangible things to do. My back issue is in the L4 and L5 discs. Well, the information that Debbie passed on is so amazingly spot on that I have to do something. Like, this piece about the L4:

Difficulty, attachment, or holding back on the ability to create action that is compatible with what has already been set into motion. Need to have a willingness to respond to conditions as they exist.

Yes, yes - that resonated with me so much. And then it went onto what action to take:

Make a list of conditions as they exist in your life today. Make another list of what you desire in your life. Every day for the next year, produce action toward what you desire and that which will give you fulfillment.

Basically - get my ass in gear and make it happen - I've already started the ball moving and if I don't keep up with what I've set in motion (which I have) then my body will react (which it did)!

Anyway - you can guess that I'm thrilled and this little message got my off my ass to start back up blogging. So I'm back and will continue sharing my journey with you.

Hopefully those who were reading this blog have hung in there - thank you!!!

Another day gone!

Hello all. So I'm realizing I want to write more on this blog! And it's on the top of my list at the beginning of the day...and, as I'm sure many of you deal with...the day is suddenly gone and half the things that you wanted to do, you didn't! How does that happen - that each day goes so quickly, and then all of a sudden, the summer is over, and it's fall, and then the leaves are on the ground and winter's here. Before I know it, a year has passed and I have that suspicious feeling that half of what I intended to do, I didn't!

Well - I won't say that I'll write here more, because...well, just because. What I will say is that I am starting to be aware of the things I want to spend time on each day. And right now, that includes blogging. I feel a big change coming on. There is some good mojo around me - I'm determined to get my back sorted out, and over the last few days I've got some amazing clarity around my passion and next career move. It's very exciting. I'm sure you've had those moments of knowingness...when you know you're on the edge of something huge, something different. And even though it's scary, for me, it's almost a relief. It's like I can take a breath and realize that I'm ready. 

If you feel stuck - know that unstuckness will happen. And if you're unstuck - Enjoy the feeling and momentum...and tell me how to stay there! 

Ps - went to an amazing sushi place for dinner tonight - Tanoshi in Andersonville - get Mike's special - you won't be sorry!

 

Waterfalls a plenty

Yesterday someone told me something that really stuck with me...I know, it's only been a day...but by now you know me, right? Anyway - it was about having bad, sad, depressing, thoughts - you get the idea. In this theory, having any kind of bad thought is just not good (the monks say it is so, so be it!). So if I wake up and think, oh man another day of work, or if I get down on anything - it's just not good. I'm sure most of you think that too - bad thoughts really don't get you anywhere. The thing is, even though I know it, sometimes those negative thoughts are really hard to give up, not have, let go, etc. 

So this idea is that when you have a bad thought, you imagine a waterfall and just standing under it, washing away the bad thought. Hokey, maybe, but today it really worked for me. I stood under a number of waterfalls today! The minute I thought of one, the bad thought really did go away and I felt a little calmer and happier.

For what it's worth, I wanted to share this as I'm always ready to learn a new way to stay in the moment, not get bummed out, and just be happy! Enjoy your waterfall!